Short and Sweet

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A dear friend of mine told me a story just recently about a friend of hers whom she met in Los Angeles years ago when she was in graduate school. She and this friend casually dated and as life happens they grew apart and went their own separate ways. Communication ceased. Years later she was contacted by said friend via text and learned he was married with a baby on the way, and had cancer.

So shocked and taken off guard by the exciting yet terrifying news- she gave him her love and wished him the best. Months later thinking about him she decided to see how he was and immediately learned of his passing. He was 35.

I share this story for two reasons. It was a semi- wake up call for me. I’m not scared of dying but I am terrified of losing people in my life that mean more than words can express. I know they won’t be completely gone and I do believe in the spirit world and their communication with us, but it still is a loss, scary, depressing, maybe even life changing when people pass. I realized there is more to this life for me than not talking to those people I care about because I “can’t” handle the challenges that come with it. The emotions or lack thereof because they “can’t” be emotionally available. I decided in the moment after closing my jaw from my friends story that I must take risks more. It is necessary for my wellbeing to sometimes say “fuck it” and push the envelope and dive into that scary abyss.

My relationship with my father is a rocky one. Who gives a fuck. I need to call him and tell him I love him. My relationship with my oldest sister is a complicated tale. Who gives a fuck I need to reach out to her more.

The other reason I needed to express myself through this story is because we’re mere mortals. We live on past this physical life, but that doesn’t mean the life we are aware of right now in this moment is so trivial we can just let it pass by without making the most of it. We can do whatever we please on this Earth, why don’t we at least do what the fuck we dream about doing! Say what the fuck we think about saying! Act. Live. Thrive. Just fucking DO IT. I am learning more and more that I let my emotions dictate my actions. NO FUCKING MORE. With grace, dignity, and respect for myself and others, I must act. I must do the risky shit. Push the boundaries. See how far I can stretch, otherwise why the fuck am I here? How will I know how far I can go or how much I can achieve if I don’t try? I am so ready for the stretch and it’s gonna feel really fucking good!

On a side note, I had a cat named Nike when I was growing up and was obsessed with all things Nike branded. This motto for me came way before Shia LeBeouf decided to swing his rat tail back and forth screaming those iconic words.

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