Feelings to Thoughts

PAST

I never thought…

Sad to anxious

Anxious to sad

Heartbreaking, really.

Like watching only one episode of a show or just drinking

A single shot of an espresso

Why can’t the heart break or crack, just once

Like that!

Leave the rest of the heartbreaking days for reflection WITHOUT feeling the residual attack.

Did I ask for this pain?

At times, I feel like my emotions are the ones insane.

The love I have for you is greater than I ever thought.

The deep intense feelings when I see you, maybe too much, overwrought and fraught

I fell deep and fast

The red palm sized LOVE giant

With past empty chambers

Were quickly filled with vast bloody burning red embers

You picked me up and carried me some way.

Stopped.

Laid me down and walked away.

I thought I knew you.

I thought it was going to be just us

What resulted, cries and scars…

Choking on your shadows and dust

PRESENT

But then another version of you came back so abruptly

Confusion and excitement summoned the frail bleeding giant

Heartbeat pacing fast, leaking fluid, steaming up the embers

Goddamn you are beautiful!

Fucking gorgeous

Looking into your eyes, experiencing that infinite wonder, beauty, and potential

Immediately, I knew I was in trouble again, maybe back to the past, lost

And falling fast

Hoping this time I would carry me home

We can walk slowly, caring for our own souls and genome

I don’t care to know…most of the time

Void

Confusion

Bliss.

The unknown abyss.

FUTURE

Pleasure?

Desire?

Thirst?

The need to connect?

Leave me be?

Consuming and coughing up your dust in my smoky heart?

Crying and weeping, until I am dry?

Visceral Drought?

Bloody scabs?

Still loving you?

Lusting you?

Do I want to bleed for another? Don’t you see?

What if my frail, pale giant only wants you and me?

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