Forgiveness and Evolution

The pain I feel is immeasurable. Circumstances and details are lost in the cloud of fear mired in a history of learned hatred and discrimination. Will someone step up to the plate and bat for the underdog? They do it in movies, why not in real life?

In real life it’s too controversial.  It’s too difficult to speak for the underdog when there is a collective opinion that the underdog is of our own making. I want to believe that, I really do. I want to believe that everyone is equal and those who feel they aren’t are just playing a victim card, but the recent events happening in the US make me believe all the thoughts and beliefs my parents pressured me to understand were all still too real. “You must be better then them.” You can’t act a fool or it will perpetuate the stereotypes.” You must succeed at all cost and act as proper as one of them would…” But even then, even if I were to be a successful doctor, businesswoman, hardworking honest and trustworthy employer and neighbor, mother, sister, aunt, niece, student, teacher etc, would THEY still look at me as equal?

Some would. Others wouldn’t. The sad and disappointing truth is the others who wouldn’t are probably the most honest and genuine about their feelings towards the construct of race in America. The ones who look at me as equal are just as confused as I AM. Those confused individuals believe racism is gone and are acting out of self defense, or want people to stop crying wolf, but that’s where the problem lies. Why? We are fighting a system that is deeply rooted from the beginning of civilization as we know it under false pretenses of what equality is based on: a fearful misconception of WHO WE ARE AS HUMAN BEINGS.

On top of that system, there have been knocks and scratches at the door but nothing to truly penetrate and eradicate the limiting beliefs held by the collective. I say this not because I am hopeless but it is being illustrated in clear sight. In the news and courthouses, on the streets, in the schools, businesses, and communities. There is an underlying belief that certain individuals are to be feared at all costs. Lives are in jeopardy if these individuals aren’t put down. It seems quite absurd to write this and yet the actions of the few who are scared for their lives illustrate the underlying belief of the collective. I continue to say the collective because if only a few had these beliefs these circumstances that I speak of wouldn’t exist as we see them today.

We can no longer be complacent.

Yes, we can use your restrooms. Yes we can attend your schools. Yes we can be responsible for a multi billion dollar company. Yes we can walk down the streets with someone of the opposite race and not get killed?

No but wait, we are still being killed.

More subtlety than ever we are still being killed.

Lynched in broad daylight; maybe not in the trees.

No, there are no burning crosses; or bloody leaves.

Yes, but in the courthouses and on the streets.

By “authority”- in the prisons and jails.

By the justice system, our women, children, and men are being raped.

If the system is just saying I am YOU, like I could be YOUR sister, mother, aunt, niece, best friend, lover than why aren’t we seeing justice served? Of course there are complexities and laws, rules, and avenues in which lawyers and judges must take in order to meet the best objective opinion of these situations, but one shouldn’t be able to blindly use their authority to behave in such a manner that completely takes away the lives and the freedom of another just because they wear a badge and have vowed to serve and protect risking their life every day for the people. That doesn’t mean you can take anyone’s life because you felt threatened. Intentions set aside here.

There are people blindly acting out behavior they learned from collective energy that stems from the very beginning of time. YOU brought us here! Enslaved us! The few FOUGHT the MANY to FREE US and YOU created LAWS to keep us from being EQUAL. WE FOUGHT these LAWS and CREATED MORE to OVERRIDE what was set in the past, but then WE DECIDED to INTERNALIZE and DEMONIZE the hatred and discrimination. YOU decided to find other ways to keep us ENSLAVED. What is worse than all of this, MOST OF YOU ARE UNAWARE OF IT. This hatred and fear is in our cells, it’s in our homes, streets, trees, air we breath, it is everywhere. In the deep subconscious collective, the hurt, pain, suffering, hatred, guilt, shame, fear, anger, is ALIVE and WELL.




WE are all working pieces of art striving to live and understand this world. No one is perfect. WE all make mistakes.

Let us stir the muck from the melting pot and continue to mix it well, until the external expressions of the few mirror the natural internal beliefs of the collective- the collective, which is connected to SOURCE. It may never be a utopia, but we can strive for what those “Founding Fathers” phrased as LIBERTY and JUSTICE for ALL. We are the representatives of peace, freedom, strength, and hope to the millions of people who still suffer on a daily basis outside of our United States. Let’s remain the example of those words and EXHALE this energetic strife.

FORGIVENESS and LOVE are my themes for 2015 and my remaining days on Earth as a black gay female…


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