A Journal entry from June…

FINANCIAL insecurity is my biggest fear. Expressing myself with art and then turning that into passionate work that evolves into financial abundance is my want, desire, and dream. The type of art I want to express is fluid and constantly changing. Perhaps this is the reason my focus is off and I have the impending doom that I will never begin and thus never connect to this fantastical dream I have. But is this dream fantastical? I have to believe in all of it before it really comes into fruition right? Or do I just pursue something in hopes that something else will magically appear once I am in line with the universe? 

THE want of this success and the feeling of getting out of my current existence is so powerful; how can it NOT happen? It MUST be created. Is it my destiny or is it just one of those fantasies, pleasure seeking moments, or immediate gratifications?  You know the world of the unknown where dreams come true and everything the heart desires is at the tip of your fingertip conceptions that get you and me out of “reality” just enough?  Just enough, so that the same reality provides me an allowance to live just a few more hours in the mundane… because I felt, in my dream world, that creation, love, and hope is all possible. Possible all the time…

DO all people desire great things or is it just a sign of a period in history where money, fame, and prestige are glamorized at such a level it’s now deeply imbedded into our genetic makeup that there is no way to surpass or get rid of the want? Even in the industries where professionals were once considered Gods are playing in the illusion. Take physicians for example, some now need to feel worthy (as if the idea that they save lives and understand the entire biological and chemical framework of our bodies isn’t enough). They need to be looked upon as the BEST, the most popular in their field.  By avenue of certain companies, like the pharmaceutical industry some of these physicians will be  the first to tell you how much they deserve every penny of “Pharma’s” creation because they are AFTER ALL the responsible party for these patients. They know best! And if they are to poison their patients with these illusionary masking wellness substances, they should be the ones who do it and talk about it and get all the money they can for their time. It’s only right and ethical, they say!

CAN we be spiritual and superficial in the same moment? I think so, but then why is it that so many cells in my body tell me no? I either want to have it all or not. I either drive myself crazy with large desires of wealth and fame or I stay humble and just find passion in the mediocrity of my existence. Or then is it something else entirely? Can both of these realms simultaneously exist and can we also change our perspective on the world at large? Is it possible to look at this reality with an overflowing glass of the finest liquid we choose to consume for deep soulful nourishment? We drink when we can. We take a break when we can but we know it is never-ending. The flow of the liquid will never cease and our mediocre existence will soon turn into an exhilarating and passionate love affair with whatever we so choose to be and do. It once was looked upon as washing dishes, but now it’s viewed as cleaning the placeholders of our organically abundant sensory substances, which provide great joy, taste, and nutrition to our wonderful physical selves! We love eating off of those dishes and washing!  By changing our perspective we understand that fame and wealth are outside material desires that are manifesting shamefully as the true desire of the soul to be fully connected and filled with love and creation from within.

THE focus of outside utilities to bring us happiness is habitual. It’s yes ingrained into our DNA. We speak, walk, sleep, eat, run, play, fight, observe, destroy on a regular basis for ALL things of material- of external manufacturing’s. There is nothing wrong or correct about these manifestations and destructions that are completely outside of ourselves and come from ourselves. BUT, that thirst I speak of, to be wealthy and famous so I can have the THINGS- is a perpetual cycle of suffering and misguided direction. Of course we need this impetus to potentially move us in the direction of ourselves, of our soul, of our connection with the higher self. And of course we have those desires too because we are on this plane of PHYSICALITY to experience the physical, the material, the STUFF. So what is it? Is it really contradictory? No.  Is it black and white? NO.

It Is All That Is and Ever Will Be.

THE concept is clear to me now. Balancing the physical, mental, and spiritual will ground us AND allow us to soar. But how do we do this?  Is it just a change in perspective?  Is it just balance?

There are always more questions than answers

As there is much more sperm than eggs

And much more black licorice at the store down the street, than there is strawberry.

ACCEPTANCE is the key. This allows for the change in perspective that leads to balance, which then invokes the Universe to co- create my true intentions.


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