What Do You Really Know About Adam/ Eve? Part 1 of 2: A Personal Essay On Identity

GLOBAL OBSERVATIONS ON IDENTITY

I want to talk about identity- my views on identification, personal escapades, and discoveries.

There is so much to say about this topic and on my account intimately, I could write a novel or two, so I really don’t know where to begin, however I believe the best place to start is with the transgendered community who have been at the forefront with their booming voices demanding to be protected, recognized, validated, heard, appreciated, and understood. It’s about time we see them in the spotlight!

In all honesty though, our community, the LGBTQ+ lot, have been raising their voices for quite some time. But for whatever reason, space has been created, there has been an energy shift that can no longer be ignored as the world is beginning to open and expand its perspective of our physical images of the human race and what that means in all things regarding relating and identifying. After all, isn’t this a reason why we are here, on this planet? To relate and understand each other in the larger schema of this fabricated play we are all writing, acting in, and co-directing? I want to go places in this piece and it may not make sense at times, but I really would like to dig deep in the concept of identity and what it really means to me as an individual, a black “lesbian” at that in the grey with my gender identity, constantly questioning meanings, beliefs, ideas, and so-called “truths” of the spectrum.

We are going through major cosmic conscious shifts on the planet, igniting the basic fabric/framework on fire that our ancestors have created these past 200+ years.

We are experiencing the inhale and exhale of miraculous changes manifesting which is why I feel compelled to discuss my gender identity alongside my sexuality and racial identity. Of those I would like to discuss, two identifications have been summiting up the media sphere as of late. These constructs are being tested. Gender. Race. What are they? Define it?

Within the inhale we have more “men” and “women” choosing to identify with their holistic selves, transitioning, and transforming or even just identifying wholly with a part that once felt trapped, misunderstood, ill expressed, ignored, frightened, and/or confused. Breathing in, taking their inner fortitude to another level, we are speaking from our souls, our hearts, moving beyond the binary, the boundaries of what has thus been “created” in our lifetime. The exhale, the majorly “black” population, screaming for our rights to be heard and consummated who unfortunately continuously still have to joust for a seat at the equity dinner table. Why are we still “ASKING” for justice when it should just be garnered automatically under the pretenses of the law. Yet not only demanding that our lives matter, moreover demanding for justice, recognition, and a true unveiling of our history- not just “black” history but American history. These two forms of expression are intertwined, tangled, interconnected to a larger manifestation of expressed struggle and healing. We as the human race, maybe not the collective just yet, but for some, especially the minorities in the “inequality” realm are voicing in any way possible their right to express, live, and yes even die. In the inhale we are breathing into our strength and from the exhale, healing and letting go of our past wounds while proclaiming our need for equal protection and recognition.

Irrespective of being one of those aforementioned souls we are all a part of this identity struggle or lack thereof. I can say as someone who also identifies as “American” this topic has always been hot in our history since Europeans came to the new world, destroying the identities of millions of natives, to slavery, the Civil War, to the black diaspora trying to find a unifying voice but feeling split between returning to Africa or staying in a country where they felt unwelcome, to immigrants coming over, women’s suffrage, to the wars and concentration camps, Civil Rights movement, Feminism, sexual revolution, and now the most current movement/understanding in the LGBTQ community.

These are all identifications in one form of another dividing and/or connecting groups of people with a certain look, belief, comprehension to the larger schematic whole of existence.

Pockets of revolutionary behavior, insights, and actions are happening around the US and the world and I believe it’s not a coincidence that what’s happening in the Stars and Universe reflects the same identity struggle and illustrations. I am not an astrologer, so I won’t attempt to emphasize any insights I have personally read, but what is happening in our Universe is a direct reflection of the goings on down on this Earth. Look it up. It’s intriguing. We are more than the sum of our parts and less than. This concept of identification isn’t binary nor is it as simple as discovering ourselves in a more comfortable manifestation or external opportunity, i.e. being alive rather than dead when police take you into custody. What is happening within? Millions of people demanding to be seen, heard, understood, and cared for is the light of our souls shining through. The Stars allied and connected, apart of us reflect this greater awareness, intrigue, and capacity for transformation. The more complex situations and people become, the movement of the stars, moon, and sun, the cyclical changes of the Earth, including climate change, the extinction of animals, more meat lovers choosing alternative diets, the list goes on and the more grey, fluid and immersed we become to each other.

This is my introduction, the beginning to diving in to a more individualized myopic view of my own struggles with gender, sex, and race. I say this to elicit inquiry. None of us are alone and as the communities of the minorities align and gather, we intern become a collective. So I ask, for those who are curious, questioning their existence, their identities, or just wondering what the future may hold, look within, look back, around, in front of you and see the beautiful uncovering of what we humans really are: light beings, souls, spirits coming from a source so great words can’t express. But of course, we live in the physical and the material and now that the “norm” is being challenged at every level these days and nights, it makes me wonder, how was there ever a “norm” created from the “Adam and Eve” myth? The illusion of our separateness is so real yet observing it within the grey of it all may be the only “pure” way to get past the manufactured cosmic amnesia.

A breakdown is happening at a global scale. We are moving deeper and deeper into the crux, the core, the nucleus of it all for true-mirrored understanding, vulnerability- Nakedness.

My breakdown/ discovery story awaits…

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Consistency: Ever changing elements.

Cells die.

Multiply and die.

Thoughts moving outward, reaching for tangible evidence of worth.

Going inward, no thought can describe the intangible understanding of love.

Changing identities.

Relationships gained.

Lost.

Heartache.

Dying cells multiplying.

Tumorous manifestations of resentments.

Breathing in to forgive ourselves and the other.

Reaching for the Other.

Feeling the Other.

Passion in something explains the intangible evidence that we must act.

To no avail, thoughts try and cease the movement of life, only relishing in death.

Formlessness in nature, the other seeks the Other.

Patterns.

Symmetry.

Cells multiply.

Cells die.

Symbiotic activity reflects the unseen Other.

Elements abound.

The truth never found.

I want to feel the other.

Senses connecting us to Other.


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The Sirens Are My Muse

Energy is flowing through my veins

Outside of me, electric currents released

This passionate might, unseen to the naked eye of the dis-eased

Yet felt from within and invisibly attached to the visceral sun and moon

The red, dark matter burning sensations of time

Unending waves of feelings, rushing in and out to greet my unstable and steady parts of mind

Like the Sirens, singing to enchant me, bringing me near

I fear

Deep connection without magnanimous, candid, reciprocal affection

As the songs get louder and more tempting

I tie myself, like Circe suggests, to the pole

With ropes lashing, deeply tangled, I can’t free myself to indulge

This fiery impulse

To create and mate

It’s there, just the desire to be closer, to feel it, to hear it, to embrace it

The Astrologers say, “…just utilize the Muses, a passion of a lesser, disastrous fate…”

“…outsiders will fail to understand your needs- appreciate your loyalty and love…”

Constantly hitting the complex, intricate Clashing Rocks, the birds, the doves

Let it flow

Intuitions seeping from the hymns

A reminder of the insatiable quasi-foe

Depth, darkness, the grey

With all my might

I fight, to not run astray, nevermore to my “secure” cave

Dispositions hidden

Feared

Ridden, with doubt

Causing a long lasting drought

Will I ever be freed to touch, taste, embrace?

Or am I stuck with the shipmates?

Sirens belting, calling me

I yearn, navigating my way through unknown rocky routes

Stumbling, flailing, falling

Stalling, crying

With the black moon pulsating, igniting its shadowy dust

Fastidiously being cleaned up

I sail with my crew

My desires kept at bay

Eyes closed, head tilted down

I bow down on my knees

And pray


The Subtly in Revelations

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The unyielding tall waves of the ocean hitting up against the ships mast

Heart beating fast

Lamenting breath

Turning inward,

Hearing whispers, “…this soon too will pass…”

He no longer minds when the darkness follows him.

The invisible, mysterious, and shadowy umbilical naval string of his ever changing new endeavors.

His new adventures of the unknown.

The darkness is his guide.

The light, his Source.

He will continue to follow and let it be his guide as it continues to remind him who he really is, in the larger scheme of this reality.

He lost her.

As upset and lost, confused, and shaken, he became in those first few days and months, he finally realized not why she did it. Not why she was still coming and entering his dreams. What he realized was more of a soulful revelation. The love was and is always there. The change may be different. The forms are always changing as well as the energy. Never destroyed. She will always be there and it needed to occur. He could finally take steps into accepting the loss. The full capacity of the depth of the darkness illuminated his mind. How can darkness create so much clarity? Smiling at himself he felt the answers. It wasn’t that past knowledge that crept all over his skin like ants marching, searching for something to consume. He had chills that warmed his center. He just intrinsically started knowing. Maybe there wasn’t a verbal explanation or expression to the new thoughts and feelings in his heart and mind, but what he actually had was more concrete, more static. What he had was a connection to something penetrating deep inside of him, yet so overwhelmingly outside of him, surrounding him, he knew it wasn’t him. It was bigger than him. Bigger than her, maybe even bigger than the Love.

A Taste

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Can you taste it?

This love is deep.

Rooted in the valley of erotic, sexual, soulful depth,

we yearn.

Sprouting roots and wings,

dark

red

matter,

creating the life energy of our dreams.

PASSION lives here.

Desire dances to the beat of our drum:

Yum, yum, yum…