The Power of Not Knowing

When you think, “I need to do something because that’s what people do and I am this age and should be this and how am I ever going to do that thing if I don’t do this thing now.” Think again. Or don’t think at all. Pause and take a breath.

In my last post I mentioned a book, The Book of Life, by J. Krishnamurti. His passage on October 31st speaks of truly breaking down that part of us that is bound by the material, the time-ridden world- the illusion, for change.

By reading his passages, I truly don’t know where I am going next or what I am doing. All I do know is that the unknowing has always created a deeper connection with myself, others, and God. People talk about breaking down the ego or redefining who they are but it is still in the confines of someone else, some movement, some guru, some state of affairs, political party, organization, the list can go on. When do we truly know what we are doing, being, changing is for ourselves?

Krishnamurti says, in the silence, in the interval of that thought therein lies the freedom.

Change without active motivation is when we start to glimpse at who we really are amongst all the outside circumstances that generally govern our will and actions on a minute-by-minute basis, consciously and unconsciously.

Now, that is a completely different approach to the New Age movement in the sense that for anyone who has read the Secret and the steps to take to manifest ones world is all about thought, gratitude, and feeling. But again, Krishnamurti tries to stay away from the leader status, the person who knows it all. He urged all readers and listeners in his lectures, to question everything. Think for ourselves. Creation doesn’t end at the last stroke of the brush or when the note dissipates. It never ends. It is a continuous movement, but not the mechanical movement that we’ve been taught to perform since we were in preschool, like the hamster wheel. It’s the continuous movement, maybe aimless, definitely unknowing, when one is lost in the woods, when you think Moonlight Sonata is ending but then it picks up again and continues to create new feelings within. Whoever we are and whatever we do, the idea is to look within and question and try to better understand our intentions.

I am grateful for today because I feel I have no better sense of what I am doing and that is ok. I don’t need to know. What used to dictate my “should” actions are breaking down and that to me is creation, progress, and change.

A New Brain

October 27th, 2014

I haven’t been writing, but I am glad to be today. My emotional state has been rocky for the past few weeks. Transformation is a brewing. Coming across a new book called The Book of Life written by J. Krishnamurti has me on my knees. Of all the books non fiction or fiction, scriptures, lyrics, verses, articles, meditative mantras, I would have to say this book is changing the way I process thought and emotion.

The book is broken down into the days of the year. Each day has a title and a passage from the month that holds an overarching theme.

The month of Octobers theme is TIME | PERCEPTION | BRAIN | TRANSFORMATION.

Know the feeling when you’re always asking questions to the Universe and you pick up a book and read a passage and can’t believe your questions have been answered? Well, reading this everyday is like that feeling everyday. It’s so powerful; my heart aches with joy. The transcendence of past pain into revelation and abundance tears at the walls of my heart. No words can really describe what I am going through, but I will try and break it down from a passage I read recently entitled,

“A Fresh Mind.”

October 17th“I think constant endeavor to be something, to become something is the real cause of the destructiveness and the aging of the mind…” These words slapped me right between my eyes and knocked me out cold. Not only because that’s what has been on my mind since of course I left my job recently “ to pursue and discover my passion,” but also because I didn’t want to hear it. I tried to twist the words into something that I wanted to hear until I came across this passage…

“There is a Quietness”

October 21st

“You listen to something, and your mind immediately reacts with its knowledge…its past memories…either you are listening with a conclusion or you want an answer and you are impatient…You can only listen when the mind is quiet. In that interval, if you observe, there comes clarity. That is the new brain…”

The passages through October go on and on breaking down the formal system of thought, things, ideas, beliefs I knew but never practiced and never heard interpreted in the words I NEEDED to hear in order to assess, process, and form new ways of absorbing my presence.

I am on rocky turf now. My part time work isn’t what I dream of doing, but what I dream of doing stays in the confines of my dream world.

The desires of the heart are very different from the desires of the mind. The flesh is here for us to feel and experience. Maybe the mind is here for us to break free from the limiting flesh and absorb the expansiveness of the abundant spirit. Can it be that cognitive dissonance is just what we need to escape the shackles of habitual thought and routine?

Mixing black and white, we get grey.

I am here to be. So is the fly.

The arrogance our minds construct for us to believe that we’re here for something more than BEINGNESS is apart of the illusion. I smiled at a flower today. Drove to the canyon and discovered I was not teaching today. I connected with a friend. Spoke to my Mother and watched some funny and dramatic television. I normally judge and rate my day for identification and measurement on how close I am to my dreams that mostly involve acceptance and validation from strangers and material objects. I did not do this today.

Today I am writing with my heart and living in my flesh. Today I am smiling at me and it feels good. Today, I may have just used my new brain.



Depression Battles


In the embrace of the darkness we find comfort.

Looking at our past and future pain, sitting presently lost in time, it evades our brain

Consciously/unconsciously we let the gears run and let it spread its rust

We must talk and be, seeking spirit to remind us  how we are free

Who we are as souls don’t measure up to the material woes; we ignorantly pleasure and lust from our foe 

I am trying to remember who I am

Love from our mother, father, family and friends- we love at times, but we feel this love as never enough

Suffering, lust the ego for more separateness stuff

Enough is enough

Seek the divine within the mind and feel the power of soul body and mind intertwined

Trying to constantly remember…

From within

I stand

And Demand

The Love of

Who I AM